• Home
  • About
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • Privacy And Disclosure Policy
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter
    • YouTube

Fandom Family

Uniting Fandoms through Life, Crafts, and Adventures

  • Home
  • Meet The Geeks
  • Geek
  • Family
  • Crafts
  • Adventures
  • Personal

The Monster Inside – Anxiety and Depression

October 11, 2017 by Jessica Leave a Comment

This post may contain affiliate links. Read about it here.

This post may contain affiliate links. Read more about it here.

Hello friends,

It’s been a while since I last came out about my anxiety and depression. I wish I could tell you that I’ve gone to the doctor and gotten the help that I needed. But unfortunately, that’s not what’s happened.

Anxiety and depression: 1 Jessica: 0

In my defense, I did call the doctor in the hopes that I could make an appointment, but what happened was they needed to verify with the doctor that they could take me on as a patient and they would call me back. They did call back but I missed the call, so now I am going through the process of working up the courage to overcome the anxiety of making the appointment all over again.

But it hasn’t all been bad during that time. I’ve actually been pretty self-reflective and worked on a few ways to understand more about what I’m going through.

I have a bullet journal that I created a page to track my moods each day. I have a specific color for when I feel anxiety and one for when I’m feeling depressed. Looking back through the last few months since I’ve been using it. I’ve found that I just feel “normal” most days. It didn’t make sense to me because I thought, “Well if I have anxiety and depression then I should have more depressed and anxiety days.”

Then it hit me.

Not only am I trying to mask the way I feel from the world but I’m trying to mask it from myself even more.

It makes sense because I’m the one who has to listen to my thoughts all day! But if I drown them out with staying busy or mindlessly scrolling Facebook, then it numbs those feelings of anxiety and depression to where I’m not recognizing them inside myself. I think that I’m fine, I’m normal, and there’s nothing wrong with me and I don’t need help.

I think for the longest time in my life that’s how I coped. I remember forcing myself to put on a brave and happy face because I was always the positive one so I couldn’t disappoint others. This has stuck with me and I still do it. I feel like Elsa in “Let it Go” where she says “conceal don’t feel, don’t let them know.” That’s how I was, well how I am.

Besides realizing how much I hide my feelings from myself, I’ve come to realize how tough it is for my family, especially my husband Sean. When I do have an “episode”, he doesn’t know what to do. I don’t blame him because it’s can be hard to understand when it’s not something you struggle with. I’m learning to talk more calmly about what I’m feeling though, and he’s learning to listen. He told me the other day that I already love myself, but I just need to find that love.

I agree with him. There are times when I know that I love myself, but when I’m having an episode, the monster inside doesn’t want me to remember that. It wants me to disappear and wallow in self-pity for the rest of my days. It tells me that my family is better off without me and my crazy.

But I know when I’m calm and collected (like now as I’m writing this) that it’s not true, that my family needs me, and I need them.

So I make a goal again, here on the internet to all of you my friends, family, and lovely readers, that I’ll make that appointment and get the help I need. I’ll get help so the monster inside of me will shrink and become but a memory. I know it won’t be easy, it won’t go down without a fight. But if the heroes I’ve read about have taught me one thing, it’s that good always wins.

 

Filed Under: Personal

The Ultimate Guide To Halloween Time At Disneyland
Robot Bunny Girl Costume with Amazon Boxes

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

twomarriedgeeks

Hi I'm Jessica! I'm a mother, wife, gamer, cosplayer, and all around fangirl. I love being a Geek Mom because I get to share many worlds with my daughter. Check out my about page to learn more about us!

Keep up with the geeks!

Check out these great partners!

Cricut is Easy as 123

USFamilyGuide.com

fandomfamilylife

Jessica Dalton
This is the Korean heart. 🫰 What does it mean? This is the Korean heart. 🫰 What does it mean? It means I love you, my friends, all of you, no matter your view points. 

While I have a lot of big feelings today, I felt the need to share this love in hopes people know they’re not alone and even when we disagree, I love you and care about you. 

#koreanheart #koreanheartsign #loveisuniversal #weneedlove #loveislove #theworldneedsmorelove
Hot days are for splash pads! Marcie followed Marv Hot days are for splash pads! Marcie followed Marvel around and they looked so cute in their swim wear from the most fashionable place: Costco 😹 but seriously these sets were a great option for this year! 

I ventured into the water too but then it turned off right after 🤷‍♀️ guess it wasn’t in the cards for me!
Posing with a bow without arrows is awkward. I DO Posing with a bow without arrows is awkward. I DO have arrows but they’re legit pointy end arrows that are modern 😹 Totally ruins the aesthetic (she says while wearing her watch 🙃)

Top from @holy___clothing 
Bow is from @pvcarmory (yes it’s made of pvc! And yes it can shoot too!) 
Necklace from @disneyparks er I mean Batuu 😏 you know I’ve gotta add a little Star Wars! 

#geekstyle #holyclothing #archery #vikingstyle #medeivalstyle #renfairecostume #renfairegarb #renfaireclothing #geekmom #geekfashion #geekchic #makeitstarwars #makeitgeek #iwearswhatiwant #plussizefashion #plussizegeekfashion #plussizemodel #embraceyourself #learningtolovemyself
Can’t wait till I’m feeling 100% again so I ca Can’t wait till I’m feeling 100% again so I can wear more of my @holy___clothing

I’ve got two tops waiting to be worn out and about! But for now, I’m just going to post this ensemble I wore a bit ago. 

#medievalfashion #geekfashion #geekmom #makeitgeek #vikingfashion #renfairfashion #cloaks #iwearwhatiwant
Happy Father’s Day to this silly goof. He is so Happy Father’s Day to this silly goof. He is so creative and is so great at making the girls laugh!
I still look freaking exhausted (I didn’t realiz I still look freaking exhausted (I didn’t realize till seeing these pictures) but I’m so thankful that I’m out of quarantine and was able to go out for a little bit (masked) after we all had Covid. 

I told Sean “I’m going to Costco masked to get more masks” (I needed them for work). Of course I stopped by @starbucks after for my special drink (strawberry açaí refresher with heavy cream, peach juice, and honey). Oh it had been so long I was so happy! 

It felt good to get out just for a little bit after being stir crazy. And finally got to wear my Dr Ellie inspired outfit from @heruniverse Hopefully I get to see the movie soon! 

#covidsucks #gratefulformedicine #exhaustedbuthappy #dinosaurchic #dinofashion #drelliesattler #heruniverse #fashionstyle #momfashion #starbucksrefreshers #geekfashion #geekmom #starbucksislife #supportstarbucksworkers
I’m so excited for the weekend. Getting to (sort I’m so excited for the weekend. Getting to (sorta) sleep in and this weekend I have some plans to see some friends and family ❤️ I think I’ll also be finishing Goblet of Fire with my 7 year old! What do you have planned for the weekend?

Outfit details: 
-top from @fandomallday 
-skirt from @target 

#weekendplans #geekmom #geekmoms #geekfamily #geekmomsofig #nerdymom #geekgirl #nerdygirl #geekfashion #weekendfun #itsfriday
Sometimes you just gotta embrace your inner dark s Sometimes you just gotta embrace your inner dark side! But seriously I love this shirt from @heruniverse I get compliments all the time…maybe that means there’s more Empire loyalists out there than we think? Jokes on them though, I’m just a Jedi in disguise (peep my kyber crystal necklace). #geekfashion #heruniverse #rocklovejewelry #kybercrystalnecklace #kybercrystal #thedarkside #theempirestrikesback #theempiredidnothingwrong #jedi #jedimaster #jediindisguise #theforceisfemale
A very happy birthday to my sweet @msmarcelinecind A very happy birthday to my sweet @msmarcelinecinderella ❤️ you’re definitely the cutest 3 year old I know!
Just a little something from a few weeks ago. Woul Just a little something from a few weeks ago. Would you believe me if I told you I built that bench I’m sitting on? Yup! Before knowing I had adhd, I hyper focused on woodworking. I love it but haven’t finished the course… 😬 I should’ve known I had adhd when a friend of mine mentioned (after another hobby hyperfocus) that I’m so great in learning all these new skills! I replied that I was great at starting but not finishing. Well…now I know why! 😹 Knowing my diagnoses doesn’t make life all of a sudden easier but it does help me feel a bit more grace for myself, and know I can move forward and get past my hurdles. #adhdwomen #adhdawareness #adhdproblems #lateadhddiagnosis #adhdadult #adhdlife #hyperfocus #dopamine #chasingdopamine #adhdbrain
Follow on Instagram
  • Meet The Geeks
  • Blog
  • Privacy And Disclosure Policy
  • Contact

Keep up to date with the Geeks

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Copyright © 2022 · Hello Sweets by Hello You Designs

Copyright © 2022 · Hello Sweets Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it.OkPrivacy policy